Playing Big: How to Stop Holding Yourself Back and Step into Your True Power
I have a confession to make: I spent a good chunk of my life being perfectly comfortable in the background. Quiet. Safe. Invisible.
Not because I loved it there, mind you, but because stepping forward meant risking rejection, judgment, and—worst of all—attention.
If you're anything like me, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.
You hold back your best ideas at meetings because, well, what if they sound stupid?
You don't apply for the promotion or raise your hand for that leadership role because you’re not sure you’re “qualified enough.”
You hesitate to share your dreams—even with close friends—because what if someone laughs or thinks you’re getting ahead of yourself?
Sound familiar?
For years, I saw "playing small" as humility—a virtue praised by my family, my culture, and my colleagues. But there’s a sneaky difference between humility and hiding, isn’t there?
Think of it like cooking your favorite meal for someone you love, and then deciding not to serve it because maybe they won't like it. Sure, it feels safe—but it also leaves everyone hungry. Especially you.
The truth? Playing small isn’t humility—it’s fear in disguise.
So how do you finally stop holding yourself back and step into your power? How do you finally say “yes” to the voice inside that whispers, "There's more for me"?
Here’s what I learned (the hard way):
1. Embrace the Imperfection
If you're waiting until you're "fully ready," you'll be waiting forever. Every great leader, creator, or game-changer started scared, messy, and unsure. Imperfection isn't weakness—it's proof you're moving forward. It's a badge of courage, worn proudly.
Think of stepping into your power like learning to ride a bike. At first, you're wobbly, you fall, maybe even skin a knee—but eventually, balance becomes second nature. You don’t gain confidence before you act; you gain confidence because you act.
2. Befriend Your Inner Critic (but don’t believe everything it says!)
We all have an inner critic, that nasty little voice whispering doubts: Who do you think you are? You're not good enough.
For many of us—especially those from backgrounds where humility was valued above ambition—this voice can feel especially loud.
I used to fight my critic. But here's the funny thing: fighting it only gave it more power. Instead, now I greet it with kindness, even humor. "Ah, there you are again," I say. "Thanks for your opinion—but I've got this."
Treat your critic like a guest who’s overstayed their welcome—smile politely, acknowledge them, but don't let them run your life.
3. Claim Your Space (even when your voice shakes)
Raise your hand, volunteer for the tough assignment, share your idea—yes, even the half-baked one. Visibility feels risky, especially when you’re not used to it. But here's the secret: your presence matters more than perfection.
The world doesn't benefit from your brilliance if you keep it locked inside. It’s like having a beautiful song stuck in your head that no one ever gets to hear. Start singing—even if at first it's a little off-key.
4. Celebrate Small Wins (Seriously, it helps!)
When you finally speak up in that meeting, apply for that job, or even send that vulnerable email—celebrate! This isn't silly or frivolous; it's essential. These tiny moments build a bridge from who you were to who you’re becoming.
Think of these wins as breadcrumbs, leading you back to yourself, reminding you that you're braver than you think. Each small success gives you permission to take bigger, bolder steps forward.
5. Find Your "Playing Big" Community
Stepping into your true power doesn’t have to be lonely. Find your people—those who see your gifts clearly, cheer for your growth, and lovingly challenge you when you retreat.
When I finally surrounded myself with people who believed in my potential, something magical happened: it became easier for me to believe it, too.
Here’s what I know now: playing small might keep you safe, but it also keeps you stuck. Your true power isn’t in hiding; it’s in stepping out—despite the uncertainty.
Today, whenever I feel myself shrinking back, I remind myself of a quote from author Tara Mohr, who beautifully sums it up:
“Playing big is about being more loyal to your dreams than your fears.”
So, here's my invitation:
Stop holding yourself back.
Step forward—messy, uncertain, brave—and claim the life that's waiting for you.
Trust me: the view from the front row of your own life is extraordinary.
And you deserve to see it.
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