The 'Both/And' Identity: Embracing Your Full Cultural Self at Work
Why Knowing What We Need Is the Key to Getting Our Needs Met as Women (and even some Men)
Let’s talk about something many of us were never taught but deeply feel: why it’s important to know what we need—so we can actually get those needs met, especially as women navigating workplaces that weren’t built with our wholeness in mind.
Here’s the truth most of us quietly carry: we’ve been taught to either shrink or assimilate in order to “fit in.” And when you add cultural identity into the mix, especially for immigrant women or women of color, the internal conflict can feel like a tug-of-war between two worlds.
Should I speak up or stay quiet? Be assertive or respectful? Choose success or stay loyal to my roots?
But what if we didn’t have to choose?
What if our identity could be a both/and—not an either/or?
The moment we give ourselves permission to embrace our full cultural identity at work—without diluting parts of who we are to be accepted—we open the door to more confidence, clarity, and belonging. We start showing up differently. And the ripple effect? It’s transformative—not just for us, but for those around us, too.
Main Point #1: Wholeness Unlocks Power. Fragmentation Breeds Self-Doubt.
When we suppress parts of who we are—our accent, our food, our values, even our stories—we begin to chip away at our self-trust. We second-guess ourselves in meetings. We over-apologize. We wonder if we’re “too much” or “not enough.”
“When we reclaim the parts of us we were told to silence, we not only gain visibility—we gain power.”
I once coached a Filipino immigrant nurse who told me she used to hide her love for Tagalog pop songs and avoid bringing pandesal to lunch. She worried it would make her seem “less professional.” But when she finally let herself share pieces of her cultural background—talking about her family, her upbringing, her why—her patients connected with her more. Her colleagues saw her differently. She felt more herself.
That’s what wholeness looks like in action: confidence born from authenticity.
Main Point #2: Embracing Both/And Thinking Reduces the Inner Tug-of-War
We often think in binaries. Be professional or be authentic. Be respectful or be bold. Speak my truth or keep the peace.
But what if your boldness is respectful? What if being professional includes bringing your whole self into the room?
“You don’t have to choose between professionalism and authenticity—you can redefine what both mean.”
I’ll never forget a moment in a team huddle when I spoke about the Filipino concept of kapwa—the idea of shared humanity. I was nervous. Would they think it was “too spiritual” or “too ethnic”? But instead, the room softened. People leaned in. And suddenly, what once felt like a tension point became a bridge.
When we embrace the both/and within us—nurse and visionary, immigrant and leader, gentle and assertive—we create space for new possibilities.
Main Point #3: Claiming Your Cultural Identity Creates a Legacy for Others
When you show up fully, you’re not just doing it for you. You’re doing it for everyone who has ever been told to dim their light.
Think about the newer nurse who just migrated, watching you lead a meeting while using your full name with pride. Or the younger colleague hearing you talk about how your cultural values shaped your leadership style.
I think of my father, who grew up in a small town in Cebu, Philippines, and had to carry his wooden tsinelas to make them last longer. He went on to become the first Filipino VP of a mining company.
“He didn’t do that by erasing who he was. He did it by integrating where he came from into how he showed up.”
When we embrace our both/and identity at work, we create pathways of possibility for others. We model what it looks like to lead from rootedness.
A Wish for Your Journey
My hope is that you begin to see the parts of yourself you once saw as liabilities as your greatest assets.
That you stop asking:
“Will they accept this version of me?” and start asking: “What version of me feels most true?”
Because the world doesn’t need another perfectly polished, culturally sanitized version of success.
It needs you. Fully. Boldly. Both/and.
You are your ancestors’ wildest dream and your own most powerful advocate.
Walk into rooms as if you belong there—because you do. Not despite your heritage, but because of it.
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