Serving Others vs. Sacrificing Yourself: The Boundary You Need Today
One of my clients told me she hadn’t had a proper meal in two days.
Why?
She was busy. With back-to-back hospital shifts, helping her eldest with college applications, picking up meds for her mom, and coordinating her cousin’s birthday party because, of course, “she’s the organized one.”
And when I asked gently, “Where do you fit in that list?” she blinked at me like I had asked her to solve a math problem in her head.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m just doing what needs to be done.”
We sat there in silence for a moment. And then I said:
“There’s a difference between serving others and sacrificing yourself. And I think you crossed that line a long time ago.”
Let’s Talk About That Line
Service is beautiful. Sacred, even. It’s baked into our DNA — especially if you grew up in a Filipino household, where caring for others is the gold standard of being a good human.
You cook for people before you feed yourself.
You send money home even if your wallet’s tight.
You cover shifts because your coworker has kids — even if you’re running on fumes.
You take care of everyone else’s needs… and forget you have your own.
And listen — your heart? It’s in the right place.
But the boundary between serving and sacrificing gets blurry when you believe your worth comes from how much you give.
Here’s the Key Difference
Serving others comes from a place of fullness.
Sacrificing yourself comes from a place of depletion.
Serving says: I choose to give, and I also choose to rest.
Sacrificing says: If I don’t give everything, I’m not enough.
One is empowering.
The other is a slow leak that leaves you drained, bitter, and wondering why you feel so invisible.
Cultural Expectations Make This Even Harder
Let’s name it: many of us were taught that saying no is selfish. That rest is lazy. That you don’t complain as long as you’re still breathing.
But let me offer you a radical thought:
What if the most loving thing you can do today is say, “Not right now”?
What if serving others well actually requires you to serve yourself first?
What if you could model a different kind of strength — the kind that says: “I matter, too. My needs are not an afterthought.”
Start With This Boundary
If you’re not sure where to begin, here’s one boundary to practice today:
“I can help — just not at the expense of myself.”
Say it. Write it. Whisper it if you have to.
You’re not abandoning your family, your patients, or your community by resting. You’re making sure you still have the capacity to show up with love, not just obligation.
Because when your giving becomes a performance, your love turns into a checklist. And that’s not fair to anyone — especially you.
The Reminder You Might Need
You don’t have to bleed to prove you care.
You don’t have to disappear to belong.
You don’t have to say yes to everything just to be “a good one.”
You can be kind and firm.
You can be generous and guarded.
You can serve others without sacrificing the one person who makes all of it possible:
You.
So today, check in with yourself.
Are you serving?
Or are you sacrificing?
If it’s the latter, it’s time to come back home to yourself — and draw that line in love.
Because boundaries aren’t walls.
They’re doors with locks.
And you get to choose who comes in — and when.
And that, my friend, is not selfish.
That’s self-respect.
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